Answeing the questions myself -
In my middle school to high school years, I had a very negative view of overweight people. It makes me shudder to think of it now. And it wasn't huge people, either, even slightly chubby people I would think harshly about. Mainly I would think "how can they live with how they look?" I would also think "Why is life worth living at that weight?" (Not proud of this.) This paralleled how I felt about myself and my weight at that time in my life. I would go through times when I would be very depressed about my weight, maybe even suicidal (though it is hard for me to conceive of that now.)
As an adult, my ideas about myself and other people completely changed. I think that gaining weight myself made me more empathetic towards others and being in a loving relationship with Mike taught me how to love myself and other people without judgement. I can honestly say don't judge anyone based on their weight now. I am also aware of how image conscience young children might be judging me (like I was judging heavier people when I was younger) and I try to be a good role model for them about self acceptance and talk to them in a positive way about people of all sizes.
This topic came up with my mom (who is overweight) because she was reminding me that when I was in middle school, I would never walk beside her, always in front of her or behind her, and she thought I was ashamed of her weight. I don't remember ever doing this but I am sure i did. Maybe it was because of her weight, or maybe it was just because I didn't want to walk with my mom. But I thought it was funny that she was bringing this up to me, telling me it hurt her feelings and made her feel bad because my weight conscienceness was formed mainly from her comments to me about weight. From very early on, my mom told me I was overweight and that when she was my age she weighed (fill in ridiculously small number). She would encourage me to go on starvation diets, eating maybe 600-800 calories a day. I remember one day, sitting in our kitchen and begging her for a slice of turkey and she telling me no and lecturing me about how i need to lose weight. At the same time, our house was full of sugary snacks like little debbie cakes and we made frequent trips to fast food. I basically had no idea of how to eat a healthy diet, it was either starve or binge in my house.
I hope I remember this story when Iz gets older. I am sure my mom never meant to make me feel badly about myself, but subtle comments that she made, probably thinking they were for
"my own good" so I wouldn't have the same struggle with weight that she had, were very hurtful. I hope I can teach Iz about body acceptance and confidence at any weight.
# posted by amy @ 10:30 PM
