Everyone is having revelations here, I see :)
Everyday, I learn more about myself. Everyday my definition, my cause, my goals in all parts of my life become clearer. How I want to be as a mother, wife, homemaker and how I want to find and define myself. It's all very interesting, isn't it. How much we learn...
Coming off of my period. The scale is finally budging. I'll know the official number on Saturday, however, I don't want to concentrate on that. I don't like how so often my mood is affected by the number on that scale. However, I'm consious of it.
My mood is also very much affected by the weather. The sun wakes me up and makes me more positive in a matter of seconds. I feel unstoppably happy when the sun is shining.
Eating okay, and when I don't eat the best, I am able to control myself for the rest of the day and also work off what is appropriate. This is a huge thing for me. My entire life I was ruled by "I messed up, the day is ruined, and now I might as well sign off the entire day." It's these little adjustments that make more difference than just on the scale, but mentally and emotionally - not giving in to the binge, the eating craziness.
Finding that control, harnessing it. It's very empowering. Paul has recently been very impressed with me and my exercising. It's really neat to see because he's never really taken much notice before in my health efforts. I guess because I would get on an exercise/diet kick and quit after a week or two, or less. I've beeing doing this for months now, and even though the scale has slowed, I've only sped up.
I am surprised by the comments he gives. He talks about my energy reserve that baffles him. (There isn't that much reserved energy - I summon it, I force it out!) He's amazed with me and I'm happy that I've found a way to surprise him after all this time. And mostly, surprise myself.
Something I do know for sure. I could never go back to mindless eating and a sluggish lifestyle. Well, never say never, I suppose. But right now, I can't imagine it. It would feel and it would be, so wrong.
However, I still struggle with my "All or nothing" attitude. I am exercising 75-90 minutes a day even when my body isn't up to it. Usually if I exercise, I'll find the energy and it will pick up. Other days, I am
proud of myself for taking a break. I still have a lot of balance to seek out. But it's so amazing and interesting to learn more about myself. Where I used to find excuses, now I find there are none. Unless I'm ill and need rest more, and rest is equally important. I'm glad I'm able to make it a regular part of my day and making myself a priority.
# posted by Livs Mommy @ 10:52 AM
