How much green snot can come out of such a tiny nose? Constant drip, drip, drip.
Julia now understands the words "Here, wipe your nose" and will take the offered tissue or washcloth and wipe it.
Unfortunately Miss Helpful then tries to wipe my nose for me, and while I AM getting snorky myself, I don't much fancy her snot being smeared around on my face.
Thanks, baby, but no thanks!
[...]
Diapers. I don't know if you can find it, but Seventh Generation brand diapers run big. So perhaps a medium would do? Or a large?
I know that Huggies leg holes are bigger than Pampers by comparison too.
So maybe brand swithicng, but staying the 3's would help solve the problem til she's big enough for the 4's
Diaper sewing is fun but like with anything else... ti takes practice to turn out well. My first few were awful. LOL. :)
[...]
Nikki -- it just takes some work. That's all. Hang in there and keep trying! Learning to demystify the kitchen will go a long way toward your health/fitness goals. :)
I was in your shoes in 1998 when I was trying to learn to streamline our food/grocery/budget thing. Coming out of a dorm into a flat, responsible for me and Paul food... yargh. We used to eat massive quantities of the same thing over and over until it was gone because I didn't know how to scale down to cook for two. I cooked for 6-8! LOL.
I was annoyed that nobody offered a class for adult home economics and I kicked myself for not ever taking it at least ONCE as a freshman in high school. Paul told me at his high school "Life Skills" was mandatory for a semester. I was envious.
When I consult my mom for advice, she looks at me like I'm cracky. "What do you MEAN you don't know how to manage it? " She forgets she's got many decades up on me so HER system is even more refined, more automatic, more ingrained than mine.
But yeah... put in the time, it gets easier, it takes less time to pull of with practice and then watch the food savings add up.Woo! :)
[...]
I'm not so great. My chest is starting to hurt and I started to cough. Argh. :(
Sorry to hear my blog buddies are sick, or getting there with their sick families. Wellness to all, wellness to all!! We had sickness going around here a month or so ago, no fun! Sorry, girls.
That's amazing that you can feed your family so well for so little. Good for you! I am one of those who says eating healthy is expensive. But I'm not good at shopping and I am NO cook. I feel so odd and out of place in the kitchen.
I think we're getting better though, I really do, so that's something to get excited about. Really! I mean, I rarely used to cook but I'm doing it more often. I realized if I want to get healthy meals around here I'm going to have to start getting my hands dirty. And also, wanting Olivia to develop healthy habits will also need to start with me.
On an off-topic note, for the past few weeks Olivia has been between sizes in diapers. It's sooo frustrating! Her size 3s look like they're too tight, they leave marks around her waist and sometimes I think they restrict her movement a bit. Then the size 4s are massive and they leak, leak, leak. Frustrating! No more peepee carpet!! (Cat, I attempted to sew a diaper. Oh dear, I failed missssserably. I know now I'm going to have to leave the craftiwork in your creative hands!!)
I've been exercising well. And so far, so good today. I got through today with only a mini-binge that was under semi-control. Mini-binge, semi-control... someone's in denial!! LOL, no, what I mean is, I have a daily binge problem. I think I've mentioned that before, once or twice .. or more. Today, I did it again, but I was able to stop myself AND I was aware of what I had. I then busied myself. I am going to abide by a pretty strict schedule the next few days between 2:30 and 6pm, it might be the only way to beat the binge, for now.
Julia is def. sick. Took her to doc this morning with Paul.
Paul is better -- his blood pressure is down another 8 pts! So working on stress management and trying to get him off his blood pressure pill.
Julia is emotionally happy-go-lucky as always and had no chest congestion this morning but over the course of the day developed a runny nose, a cough, and threw up. Ack. So I'm glad I took her in this morning to be seen.
Mom Paranoia paid off.
The downer is that she's giving it to me because my throat is starting to tickle. Argh. I may be scarce over the week.
We just got home from a quick trip to the grocery before it closed for a mix of frozen food and canned food. The food itself was a mix of organic and conventional. Then Paul wanted McD's for tonight's dinner because there's one in that plaza and he was hungry and couldn't wait to heat his frozen food. I did regular groceries yesterday, not realing that I was going to start getting sick myself.
Which put me in the position to look at these recent receipts side by side and figure out that...
If I cook all the meals, I can feed all three of us (plus the pets) 80% organic food for $14 a day.
If I am ill and have to rely on prepared foods, I can feed the three of us and the pets at 50% organic for $28 a day.
I refuse to do it, but pretending Paul and I did do fast food 3 meals each a day it would cost $48. And the pets still need food and so would the baby.
So when I hear the argument that eating healthy is costly... I don't buy it. Maybe people just don't know how to shop?
When I hear the argument that eating healthy takes more work, yeah, I can agree on that. More work going out to shop for the food, prepare it, etc.
Feeling slightly better today after a couple of doses of meds. I am started to freak because my mom is visiting this weekend and my house is truly an absolute wreck. Up to now, I have been too sick to care, so I take this as a positive sign. Eating is not great, but not out of control, just scrounge eating. I am staying pretty much within points, but eating only pasta (yesterday) or only toast (today, until we ran out of bread). Don't know when I will feel like cooking a proper meal with veggies again. Had Mike pick up take out veggies tonight, they were ok. I am looking forward to getting back to exercising. The weather today is beautiful here, would love to be able to take a walk.
A quick update from the land of sickville. Today was Iz's first birthday. :) It was a reflective day for me, her birthday last year was very traumatic and it is difficult to think of it in positive terms. I stayed home from work and went to the doc who gave me some meds. Hopefully will feel better before this weekend when my mom is coming.
Interesting Dateline last night about the psychology of dieting. I can't find a link to it, I will try to describe it tomorrow.
Julia still with the sniffles. I debated skipping swim lesson this morning but in the end decided she was ok enough to go.
The first class was late getting started so our class was combined with them. LOTS of people -- I hope next class doesn't get combined again. Ugh. The domino effect where one baby starts crying and then they all start doing it is rough when it's 16 kids!
But Julia had a good time. Bobbing around, trying to blow bubbles in thr water, splsshing, checking out the other babies and this year's new thing... sitting on the wall while I count to three and then jumping into my arms. This is hysterically funny to her.
All the babies, including Julia, sobbed when the teacher took them. Julia signed "milk" at me every time he took her for her turn around the pool. Whenever she saw him coming for the kids next to her or her herself, she'd start trying to climb up my body to get away. She simply doesn't remember him from last year and having been through this once already I know after a few more classes all the kids will chill out.
These first few classes though... murder on the ears.
She tolerated going under water but it's been too long since last year so I've forgotten the pace. The teacher told me my position was fine but to slow it down a bit to make it easier on Julia. Oops. I'll work on it... I can only remember but so much from last year's classes.
Couldn't find my blue Speedo so had to wear the purple one. Fit fine. Smaller than the blue one. Woo.
Hung out afterwards for lunch with the other moms. One mom I talked to actually has run the Disney marathon before so we talked about that. Another mom speaks Spanish like I do, and one was actually the class of '89 to my '93! Imagine! Meeting a person from my high school in Panama. Small world. So weird.
Everyone seems friendly but it is different than my AP playgroup for sure. I'm not sure how I feel about it yet.
I've been working out like... mad. I did 50 minutes of cardio today and then 30 minutes of The Firm Yoga. Darn, that was hard. But I know that sort of thing shows results!
That's 80 minutes - woohoo - although I did a lot of adapting the last half of the cardio since Olivia was on a quest to chase my shoelaces again. She sleeps less and less these days, that girl. I did take her on a walk outside for a while to see if a change of environment would tire her out.
Umm, my eating. It starts out well every day. Then along comes about 3pm and the binge urge begins. I've got a horrible issue with binging. I do it nearly every day. I see the time on the clock where I usually binge and I'll try to busy myself until the feeling passes. As soon as I slow down again, there it is. Waiting for me. I must get to the root of this. Problem is, the more exercise I do, the stronger the urge gets!! Well actually, the more I am hungry.
The urge gets stronger when I'm overwhelmed or bored or have too much to do and don't know where to start. I'll figure it out. Until then, I'm just trying to stay accountable of my binges.
I hope the scale budges at the end of this week. It's crazy to think it could possible still be the same, or so close.
Ohh, but an even better way to measure success. I opened up a bag of old clothes that I didnt wear. And I got into a Lane Bryant size 18 pair of jeans! Woohoo! They fit well, too! Granted, they are stretchy-kinda. But I was FORCING myself into super tight, breath restricting size 22s only earlier this year! Very cool.
Took a few days off fitness unexpectedly with all the goings on for today. We're all in varying degrees of sick still, so I didn't feel like doing all this party stuff AND trying to do walks. Paul and Julia are still napping. I'm awake, but I could nap some more myself!
Friday I went out for party groceries and cleaned most of the house. Saturday I slept a lot while Julia had a nurse-athon. That evening we went to meet our church sponsors at their home since they'd invited us to dinner. Seem like a nice young couple and we do have some thing in common so three hours flew by. When we got home I got Julia settled and then spent two hours making party food while Paul further tidied up.
This morning it was sooo hard to get up early. Just not enough sleep! But we made it to church and got through the new member ceremony and service and then had the family over for lunch. I got a lot of compliments on my orange stripe shirt -- that the color is grea ton me. Not just from relatives but other people. So this shirt has gotten me 6 or 7 compliments aleady. Never had that happen before!
We put Julia in the nursery (where my parents followed us and then wanted to linger) and then met the other relatives, guided them to where they needed to be, and then joined out new member group. The ceremony itself was brief, but very nice. Mainly going up to shake hands with people and being formally introduced to the congregation.
Apart from new member ceremony, today's topic was in light of Earth Day yesterday -- ecospirituality and the green sanctuary. Very interesting to me.
Collected the kid (with mom and dad in tow) then rounded up at our house for lunch.
Really it all went better than I thought save for a few things that I don't want to get into. [...]
The June 2005 (don't ask me why it is out at the grocery already) issue of Oxygen is dedicated to fit moms. I don't subscribe to anythign any more in an effort to control my clutter but a skim at the store looked good so I picke dup the single issue.
Can't read it yet because every time I try Julia spies the mother and baby on the cover and starts runnign over yelling "Baaay-beeee! Baaaay-beee!" and tries to grab it.
But if she cooperates I'll do the toddler workout this week.
Still sick, but managed to take enough allergy meds so I could take Iz out to her first birthday party for a few hours. Had a good time, but feeling bad again now, meds are wearing off. I am struggling with food. I am trying to do convenience foods so I don't have to cook or clean up too much but also trying to stay within points. I am being moderately successful (read - we haven't called for pizza delivery, YET).
Am I sounding like a broken record? Still sick. I was supposed to stay home to take care of Iz today (her daycare provider had an appt) but Mike had to stay home and take care of both of us. Last night, instead of cooking, we had dinner out. I had all veggies which I split with Iz. It was good, within points and no fuss or cleaning had to be done.
Hope you're having a great Thursday. It's a pretty day over here. I think I'll take Liv for a walk to the park with the baby swings. Should be fun :)
I've joined a group called "Minutes For Me" - it's a small group, and our goal is to get in 1000 minutes of exercise (primarily cardio) per month. I joined a week late, but after 2 weeks, I'm nearly half way there! (Insert very proud look)
My eating was good yesterday, as it hasn't been to good for a few days. I was kept busy and that really was key. I have a bunch of things that I keep procrastinating on, and I need to take advantage of them as a way to help keep me on track.
Olivia has been napping less and less. It's so difficult to do exercise videos with her underfoot. Yesterday, she was on a mission to get my shoelaces. Wondering why I'm stomping all around like that, no doubt. Now that she's completely well, maybe we'll venture back out to my gym. I'm so anxious about her getting sick again though, but I'm ready for a change up of work outs.
Saw a slight drop on the scale this morning, so that's encouraging as I have recently hit a mini-plateau of sorts. Stubborn weight. Thing is, still haven't seen much difference in my clothes. No cool since I've been working out so well and doing pretty good with my eating. It has to come off eventually!
Amy, I agree. The mypyramid.gov site is strangely laid out to me too. When all is said and done, it's basically the diabetic food intake patterns, only done as a total for the day instead of as a pattern by meal.
Why mypyramid.gov doesn't just give people the standard diabetic/dietetic meal patterns is beyond me.
Then again... I disagree with the animal food requirements on there. If people want to eat these foods that is fine. But don't make it be a health REQUIREMENT when it really isn't one. I prefer PCRM's suggested groups.
Still sick here, no workout. Beautiful day though, too bad we are all completely grumpy. I have to run to the store to pick up more meds. I hope Iz will go to sleep early, I definitely need the rest. She must be hurting too because she just starts crying for no reason. What happened to my cheerful little munchkin?
I took some time today to look at the mypyramid site. I don't like the new pyramid. The idea of having a pyramid is to have things you eat more of on the bottom and things you eat less of on the top. Now they are doing these colored bands that run from bottom to top. The widths of the bands tell you how much you are supposed to eat. Um, any reason why we aren't doing a pie chart people? I am sitting there trying to figure out if the green band is wider than the blue band, it is difficult because the width at the bottom of the band naturally changes because of the different slopes of the lines. Please, put it in a pie chart then we can all understand it.
Can't be helped today because I had a lot of phone yakketty yak this morning making different arrangements, sprinkler, and cleaning house for party this weekend. I have a Mom's Night Out thing tonight and I have to give a mom a lift.
So I fit in a quick Karen Voight during one of Julia's naps, muddled through it as best I could, and then moved on. Apart from some instructors being annoying, I dislike muddling along til I know the routine. I don't do this one enough to know the thing by heart so EVERY time I do it I muddle, trying to pay attentionto changes and steps.
Cracked myself up remembering me and Holly bashing into each other the first few times at water aerobics class or at her house. Miss seeing her more. Sigh.
Time to get myself ready now. Ciao!
[...]
Back. 3+ hrs out with the other moms. There were 8 of us for dinner and then 4 lingered for coffee. Lovely time, lovely convo, lovely food, lovely to be baby free, and lovely to come back to my kid.
Soooo what I needed. Look forward to it next month too!
I was supposed to walk today but didn't. Still dealing with the itchy throat and dry eyes of allergies. Getting ready to take a benedryl and go to bed. Good news is that it rained here so hopefully pollen count will be lower tomorrow.
It's a good thing I like my sprinkler guy. Because sometimes he just annoys me. Like not showing up yesterday when he said he was coming and then showing up today with no warning when I was planning on doing my walk at the mall with the kid and getting Paul some dress shirts and a tie.
I noticed he now wears a logo shirt and his truck has a magnetic logo sign on it. So I'm happy for him that his small sprinkler/landscaping business is coming along. It's hard to be a small business owner doing everything oneself.
He's doing decent work and seems concientious. He just needs to hire a secretary or get better about making/keeping appointments!
Kid is still sleeping so I'm off to try to bang that 1.5 miles out really quick.
[...]
Walk done. Easy, but I need to keep up with warm ups and cool downs -- bad habit of skipping them sometimes.
Here's the short-short version for public consumption (Amy, if you like, drop me an email and I can go into it a bit further).
My husband joined the Army in July of last year. I moved to Tennessee in a whirlwind trip in February, and am now working on securing a new job, putting out roots, making friends etc.
The treadmill was sort of a necessity because the people on my road don't like to secure their dogs. Now it's no longer a problem, hee.
And I got on the scale this morning, and am down 2.2 lbs my first week back in training.
Cat - I was gonna ask for "shopping pics" too! Thanks for that! You do look really great in that dress - suuuch a sweet dress. I have a thing for "ugly" shoes. My Paul doesnt understand it either. Sometimes I see some ugly shoes, so ugly that I just have to love them. Who know's what is up with us.
Amy - Oh gosh, girl! I'm sorry you got so sick! I hope you're not coming down with something and that was just a one-off weird thing. Hugs to ya, girl.
Adrith - Hello there! We haven't met but congrats on the new treadmill. Very cool!
Olivia is crawling! Verrry cool, that. That's got me moving a bit more, that's for sure.
I went to hang out with my friend today. She lives in this really posh gated community with a gorgeous, huge lake. We walked around it and the weather was sooo warm and beautiful. Wonderful for a nice, brisk walk. I love burning calories like that. It's a nice way to get in the minutes, other than the video or the eliptical.
Having bought a treadmill from our neighbors across the way on Friday, I am back in training. It's going slowly, but it feels very good anyhow. I missed this part of my life a lot. (And so did my blood pressure and cholesterol, too. But that's another story.)
I haven't set a training schedule yet; right now I'm trying to loosen up my muscles and get back in the habit of exercising. Friday, Saturday and today I did one mile, with times of 21:58, 21:25 and 21:45 respectively.
Cat - Wow, you look GREAT! I love the dress, everything looks really super. You did a great job of finding clothes that disguise the pooch. Where did you get everything? When you shop, do you mainly hit the department stores of the specialty stores?
Thanks! I'm happy with the wardrobe updates. :)
When I shop, I go EVERYWHERE. Which is why shopping is hard work, spread out over many days. This time it was 2 malls and 2 days. 1 Macy's, 2 Lane Bryants. About 30 things tried on.
I'm after a good fit. I don't care about brand or price (within reason).
This year I actually set myself a quarterly budget for clothing. ($1000 for the year total). Which serves two purposes -- 1) MAKES me go, 2) keeps my spending in check. So when I say I don't care about the price when I go out -- I don't, so long as I stick to my $250 for the quarter. That can mean one super spendy thing, or several less spendy things or a LOT of cheap things.
This quarter I spent about $300, and I made up the extra $50 from my personal checking account. (Paul and I have separate "allowance" accounts from the house one.) I can go out again in June to spend my next quarter and see how the selections have changed.
This time my main focus was underwear, and regular clothes, but lucked into some party wear. In June, I will probably focus on shoes and skirts and just keep my eyes open for anything else and hit Ross stores and the factory outlet malls to see what out there.
I've set a budget for Paul (same as mine) and the baby ($300 a year from us... relatives inundate her with clothing!) as well.
Paul is trying to get me to let him spend his budget on doodads rather than clothing. What he NEEDS is clothes. He has to carry an impression at work whether he likes it or not. What he WANTS is more musical toys.
Oy.
So while I'm done for me this time, I still have to go out again for him.
I got up feeling crappy this morning, but decided to go to work anyway. Bad Bad decision. I am not there for 10 minutes before I am running to the bathroom to "revisit" my breakfast. And I don't make it. My co-workers have the honor (horror?) of seeing me upchuck. I am sure they all think I am pg (an impossibility). I don't know why I would vomit, my other symptoms seem mostly allergy related. I came home and am going to bed as soon as I write this update.
Cat - Wow, you look GREAT! I love the dress, everything looks really super. You did a great job of finding clothes that disguise the pooch. Where did you get everything? When you shop, do you mainly hit the department stores of the specialty stores? I am still mainly going to Lane Bryant. I do go to the department stores occasionally, but never seem to find things there that I really like.
When we did DC with the musuems and monuments and things I was totally wiped out and I was both younger and fitter at 15 than I am now at 29. So Amy, I can see why you guys would be pooped out after today's outing too! :)
Alright... not the best pix, no hair, no make-up. It's very dark here at 2 AM. We were all so tired from the mall we crashed out and just got up not to long ago to catch up on dinner and go back to sleep!
Here's one of the button down woven shirts. The other is solid aqua but this one is different shades of orange stripes. The new boot cut jeans are dark blue, not black, and I'm wearing heeled Mary Janes in all the pix. I'm probably wearing this to a "Mom's Night Out" dinner later this week.
Julia models her white teddy bear T-shirt and pink flower panties with red monkey shoes. She insisted on being in the pictures.
Julia wants to show me her belly button.
Every year I have one hideously ugly item of clothing. So ugly it fascinates me. Paul doesn't understand this fetish and really neither do I but I indulge it anyway. This time though, even HE is fascinated by this shirt. He thinks his mom must have had it in the 70's. I disagree because I think MY mom had it.
So here's the new scary silky shirt with the dress pants (not new). Julia is pointing out the mirror on the wall.
She brings me the flashlight so I can make it fly around the floor for her to step on.
Here's the dress. I can get it on, but really it will take another 10 or 15 lb drop to comfortably wear it how I want to wear it. I like dresses loose and flowy. But too good a buy at 50% off and almost fitting not to get it now. I hate having a wedding or soemthing pop and then struggling at the last minute to find a dress to wear! Now that I have it on again I can't tell if the hem really is slighty assymetrical or if I was crazy in the dressing room. But anyway, Nordstrom online has the black version. I like the turquoise better and I found it at Macy's.
Julia is stuffing puffed rice down my cleavage and I am picking it back out. Guess she decided since the Breastaurant is already there, the deep "V" neck makes a good snack tray.
Cereal with milk. What else?
Things are way better in the clothing department than they were a very pregnant 53 lbs ago. Jeez, plus-size is bad enough with it being PREGNANT plus-size. Try shopping for that!
And it has gotten easier in the pants and bust than a new nursing mom 30 lbs ago -- the engorgement and then the C-section numbness/stomach droop were hard to fit and my energy wasn't up to mega-shopping/trying on. Shopping is WORK. Plus, you dont want to be leaking milk all over things you don't plan to buy.
So returning to the land of buttons, zippers and fitted, non-stretchy things is interesting to me. Retiring Lycra to gym wear only is nice.
My two biggest problems now are shoes and pants. My feet seem permanently one size bigger and trying to find size 11 heels that don't look like they belong on Paul is a challenge.
I've had to readjust my thinking on clothing fit from before because it just isn't the same shape. None of me is. Over my life I've gone from a teen pear shape to plus-size hourglass pre-pregnancy to a total plus-size pregnant circle, I seem to be doing an plus-size inverted triangle thing lately as I move along post-partum wieght loss and who knows how I'm going to end up?
So bizarre. The numbess is no longer my whole stomach, but a small patch near the incision. I've also got another 40-50 lbs to go and I'm an apple shape and carry the bulk of it in my middle. So I have to be pretty picky about my pants.
There's no hiding the pot belly but there's no need to dress it in ill-fitting clothing either.
I'm stuck with short mom hair for a while still. When it gets long Julia wants to play with it. It used to be pulling but now she wants to brush it and being bopped in the head with a ladybug hairbrush is easier to take with short hair than letting her tangle it up in long!
I wanted to get highlights but I just can't figure when I'd have the time to maintain it. Getting in every 6-8 weeks for a trim is hassle enough!
Had a fabulous time but am now completely exhausted. I put a few pics up on Iz's blog.
8:45 p.m.
I am still *so* tired. I had no idea such light exercise would wear me out like this. I feel completely drained, like I need some gatorade just to pep up. I guess it goes to show you that three weeks of walking does not an athlete make! It is going to take me a lot of work to get to Disney.
Cat - any hope of seeign some pics of the new wardrobe? It sounds divine.
That's funny because I've been going through the same thing re: belly looking.
I wondered if I was pregnant, If my boobs shrank so it makes my stomach seem bigger when I look down, if I could have tapeworm, is PCOS was making my uterus or ovaries strange -- all kinds of bizarre thoughts!
I just had a PAP done which came back normal and basically I seem fine visually to my doc. I see my endoc in a bit more so I'll be having someone else look at me soon.
I just took measures for this month and while my boobs haven't shrunk any to make my waist seem bigger, my butt's lost an inch. So I think it is from that -- another of part of me has changed making that area seem larger by comparison.
So maybe you could think about taking measures as well as scale stuff at your WW check ins? Then you have another means of comparison throughout your journey.
Cat - I am glad to have you to share in the journey as well! :) That's great about your journaling as well!
Your blouse sounds cute! And that dress sounds realllllly cute. Really, it sounds like something I want to sneak into your house and snatch! hahah You'll definately fit it soon and rock it out.
Girrllll - about the bras. Yeah, I really should have invested in better bras. I found myself just going braless at home. (perhaps contributing to the scary, saggy, tribal looking tube sock boobs I have now.. tmi... sigh) I bought 2 nursing bras whos wires poked at me, telling me they've given up in the past month or two. So then have been wearing sports bras that open in the front. Maybe also having to do with my diminished supply.
Olivia is nearly completely weaned now and it's a bit sad, but okay. I'm not too crazy about how many BOTTLES I'm washing these days, jeesh. I feel bad for people who bottle fed from day one who had to wash a zillion bottles and nipples a day!!
About the poos, interesting subject as always, haha. I heard there are some toilets in Germany that have a little shelf where your poo falls so you can examine it before flushing. I'm a 50% poo peeker, perhaps I should do it more often...
Amy - A skort sounds cute! I believe you when it comes to the muscles swelling, retaining water and all. It makes sense, because with how much I've been moving, I should have lost. No biggie, on to next week...
Me. Doing well. Got in more cardio today, huzzah!! Ate all my points, including my earned ones. Kind of weird thing. My middle seems to be getting REALLY big. About two weeks ago, I was looking pretty slim in the midsection, finally seeing my weight loss. And then just over a week ago, I gained a couple pounds, 2-3 and all of the sudden, my stomach looks huge. Im not kidding.
Silly me, I rarely think the worst - but I was even thinking like "What if I have a tumor?" I havent been eating lots of sugars, white flour, and Ive recently cut down on salt, so I'm a bit confused. The chances of pregnancy are super slim and even if I was, I coudlnt be more than a few weeks along, whereas I could pass for 5-6 months! Very confusing!
Any ideas? I need to make an appt with the doc for several questions, maybe I can bring it up there.
Nikki -- keep at it! Dont worry about the scale -- you are kicking butt at the gym!
Amy -- WTG on the house stuff. I know that DIY is a workout in of itself!
Got my bras. Also tried on something like 16-20 items of clothing.
Got 1 silky print top to go with my black dress pants. It's vaguely 70's ish in hot pink, white, and black blobby things. Flattering fit, easy to pull up to nurse in. It actually highlights my waist! So if we get invited to any weddings or similar I won't run into a panic over what to be wearing because I have nothing suitable. NONE of my dresses from before fit by postpartum body. Yikes!
Found this year's Xmas party dress though. I can put it on, but very snug since it's once size smaller than my curent. Another 10 lbs ought to do it. I'm confident about being in it between here and there and if I'm smaller than that still I'll have it taken in. That fantastic a dress!
It's A-line, empire waist, sleeveless but with WIDE staps, deep v neck and v back, aqua with black outline flowers on it. Slightly asymmetrical hemline but not SO severe it annoys me when I walk. Classic styling is super flattering for me and when dresses that flatter a plus size body are so hard to come by... and harder to find in colros OTHER than balck or navy... I snatch them up when I find them. Got it for $50 instead of $115 too, so that's another plus.
So very good day shopping at the mall.
Paul and Julia hung out in the indoor playground rather than following me around so it worked out for them too.
Oh my, a poo update! I didn't know what awaited me when I came on-line today! A small comment on that, I can definitely tell a difference when I eat seed-y fruit, like blackberries and raspberries. :)
Glad you had a successful month of journaling Cat, and a successful week of working out Nikki! When I start exercising, I always see a gain. I read somewhere that when you strain your muscles they retain water and swell to recover, maybe that explains it? Still frustrating. I am having an ok Saturday. I was supposed to walk today, but did yardwork and painted the front door instead. I had to paint the outside of the door with an oil based exterier paint, who knows how long it is going to take to dry. We may be up late tonight.
Tomorrow we are still on for the downtown walk. I just hope Iz's mood improves.
Edited to add: I got a skort today that I ordered from Terry's bicycle equipment. It is really cute, I can't wait to try it on.
Hey girls - dont know what's new with you as I cant load the site for some reason, I'll try later. I had a loss of .4 at today's weigh-in, but an unofficial gain of (2.2) Long story, eitherway, I lost and gained in 2 weeks time (where I didnt have an official weigh-in in between) but even though I'm bummed, I'm okay because I've been pushing my body, exercising and feeling good, feeling confident :)
Hope you all have a great weekend. It's beautiful in sunny Colorado.
It makes it a lot easier to train/eat healthy/ lose weight/ be fit when you have company. Checking in on the blog each day helps me out a lot.
BTW, I heard from Adrith, who is settling down in her new home. She's gotten a treadmill and plans to start working out again as things are calming down. I reminded her the blog was still up and going so perhaps one day soon we'll get a surprise entry from her too. The more the merrier!
[...]
Now some things I normally don't write about a whole lot: Weight loss, poo, lactation, and periods.
I'll pick them off one at a time and report.
1) Weight loss. Generally I view this as a pleasant side effect of my pursuit of fitness. It happens when it does, how it does and I avoid getting emotionally tied up in it. However, it is a side benefit I wish to reap before my next pregnancy so while I'm casual about how it exactly comes off, I still want it to come off!
I'm 4 weeks into my personal challenge of keeping a food log and while I confess to not being totally accurate about entries, I've tracked enough to enjoy a 7 lb drop in that time. I'm shooting for a full 16 weeks logged... so when I hit the next 4, I'll report back. I expect a slow down in rate of loss. The first weeks are always seem faster.
2) Poo. Julia's doing quite well potty training and we're getting most of her poo in the potty or toilet. So I see poo up close and personal. Daily. I check her out when she's making it for signs of straining, discomfort, or problems. I check the poo visually for color, consistancy, undigested food bits, or unexplained blood.
It occurs to me that this shouldn't be a "baby only" thing. Everyone ought to take a look at their poo and think about it some rather than reach backhanded to flush it away before standing back up.
So my poo report? Matches Julia's poo. Soft, bulky, light brown in color, easy to pass, low odor, no weirdness about it like blood or undigested food, little or nothing to wipe with TP, once daily, sometimes twice. We're both doing well.
Did notice that since I've been sticking to vegan eating, both she and I had a period of farting for a bit. We've settled down. Extra fiber, while overall good, sometimes does that to you. For those wondering, I've been averaging 35 g of fiber a day in the last 4 weeks. A bit of a jump from my 25 g from before.
BTW, Julia cracks herself up and claps and bounces when she let's one rip. I try to be more discreet than that when I have to fart.
3) Lactation. Julia is 15 mos. I am continuing to nurse her. I'm happy to report that my early days of stuffing diapers into my sports bras when walking on the treadmill and long past. I don't bother with nursing pads any more either.
But I'm still nursing and let me remind people -- underwear is good for 6 mos only.
On the panty front, you can keep on wearing them til they're falling to bits if you want. Doesn't really matter there. Panties are for coverage, not support, though sometime they work to hold pads and things for periods. Slips can go for years and years. Pantyhose until they snag or run, but otherwise quite a while too.
Bra though. They are underthings that WORK daily.
If you aren't nursing that means you can be a bit lax about your bras and kind of wait for that next sale and so on. Doesn't have to be 6 mos on the dot.
If you ARE nursing... get thee to a mall before your bra's elasticity and support poops out.
I SHOULD have gone out at 12 mos of age (Julia, not me) to restock. But noooo... now this morning I find myself in the predicament of having NOT ONE BRA that is supportive enough when I'm full of milk EXCEPT my Enell bra.
While the Enell has excellent boob-holding-in properties for a workout, but it is not meant to be a regular use bra. We're talking major compression bra. NOT good for extended daily wear as a lactating mother unless you love clogged ducts.
Free flobbling it is not an option when you wear a 46C. Esp. not a NURSING 46C.
I don't mind my pregnancy stretch marks being on my person, but I'm not looking for some extra ones in my armpits or my breasts sagging to my belly button because "The Girls" are out there alone, unharnesed, and at the mercy of the force of gravity.
The milk-heavy pendulous action when I walk is just not for me.
If I'm at the peak of my nursing cycle and full of milk and we're going to have sex? Bra stays on, sports bra for preference!
So the mall today and this time I'm going to Sharpie the date on all my bra tags so I keep up with when to replace them better.
There. You've been advised.
4) Periods. I've made the switch to cloth pads and the comfort level is stupendous. Heavenly!
And a mostly organic, mostly whole foods, mostly vegan diet helping me quite a lot with managing my PCOS and restoring regular menses.
So while in past races I haven't had to consider, much less deal with the problem of having a period during race weekend, the fact that I'm becoming regular makes me think ahead.
Overall, being regular is a good thing. We want to start TTC a few weeks after the race.
But when you are a back-of-the-pack walker, and expect to be on the course for 3+ hrs, and typically use cloth for periods and wash to re-use next time...
It poses a problem. I'm still not so regular I can tell from here in April if I will be having a period in January on race weekend.
I could take the minipill again and arrange to "skip" that cycle... but what about TTC shortly after?
I could choose a disposable product and not deal with carrying cloth to wash later but hello... I've been on the course.
The only chance at a "real" bathroom was at the entrance of Epcot and now this year the course map is different so who knows if there's a handy bathroom in a theme park on the course now.
The rest is Porta-A-Potty City and quite frankly, I'd rather take a whiz on the side of the road than stop to stand in line after sitting in stranger pee that one time I did use a porta-potty.
So what do you do with your used feminine hygiene product if it IS a dispsoable? Carry it with you? In that case, may as well do cloth and avoid the chafe! Toss it on the side as people do with water cups, sweatshirts, gel packs, etc? No way in hell. I can cope with a pee in the bushes but not a poo and def. not a used pad.
So there's the last on my list of things that people don't often talk about.
Off to try to find an answer and then when the kid wakes up... go bra shopping!
It is Saturday, start of week 15, things are going great.
Iz is feeling a little poorly today (that kid keeps a cold and now that the trees are blooming, is apparently dealing with allergies). Our original plan was to paint the front door today and go into downtown DC tomorrow to walk around and see the monuments. Though we have lived in DC for 3 years now, we have not actually seen the monuments except by accident in the car since moving here. Now we are considering moving elsewhere, we want to make sure we make it down there once. Hopefully Iz will feel up to it tomorrow. My plan is to pack hummus sandwiches, fruit and popcorn for us and some stuff for Iz and make a day of it. The weather is supposed to be beautiful tomorrow and we may even see some cherry blossoms in bloom (peak was last saturday).
Today is a rest day. I am trying to rest without falling asleep. I didn't get much sleep last night and everything is getting on my nerves.
Nothing much to report. Diet stuff is going ok. I am happy with the amount I have been working out, I think I have walked as many times as I was supposed to walk in the last 3 weeks. I have staretd thinking about weighing myself again, but am still avoiding it. Maybe the exercise is forcing me to think about weight a little more than normal.
Cat - hope you feel better soon! Way to go with the lawn, will you come do mine next? It is our job for next weekend. Nikki - way to go on working out! Both of you are inspiring me.
Other than a sniffle, Julia is doing great. I'm doing mostly good other than the stupid cough! I cough SO violently I give myself a headache. Ugh. But doc said plain Robitussin is fine so it's helping.
Looked rainy today so yard play only for 30 minutes for the kid. She protested quite loudly when I took her back inside. I got a little more grass out of the tree ring planting area. Took it really slow and easy.
Cleaned most of the front of the house, going to hit the back half tomorrow. Got some work done for Stork Club (My attachment parenting playgroup thing to help new moms) and trying to get together for starting a new chapter of my other playgroup (geography based playgroup rather than parenting style).
Yayee!! I worked out again today, that makes three days in a row!! That is a big deal for me, and so I decided to toot my own horn and say, "Woohoo for me!"
This is the first time I have finished the 1.6 mile loop in less than 30 minutes! I was trying to focus on the walk the whole way and only stopped twice, once to check Iz and once to give someone directions. Starving - off to make dinner.
Waiting for doc to call back re: what I can take that is over the counter for a cough that ok while nursing. My mild cold has now escalated into chest congestions and a hacking cough.
Ugh.
Then I have to pack up the kid and go fetch it from thepharmacy. More ugh.
In my middle school to high school years, I had a very negative view of overweight people. It makes me shudder to think of it now. And it wasn't huge people, either, even slightly chubby people I would think harshly about. Mainly I would think "how can they live with how they look?" I would also think "Why is life worth living at that weight?" (Not proud of this.) This paralleled how I felt about myself and my weight at that time in my life. I would go through times when I would be very depressed about my weight, maybe even suicidal (though it is hard for me to conceive of that now.)
As an adult, my ideas about myself and other people completely changed. I think that gaining weight myself made me more empathetic towards others and being in a loving relationship with Mike taught me how to love myself and other people without judgement. I can honestly say don't judge anyone based on their weight now. I am also aware of how image conscience young children might be judging me (like I was judging heavier people when I was younger) and I try to be a good role model for them about self acceptance and talk to them in a positive way about people of all sizes.
This topic came up with my mom (who is overweight) because she was reminding me that when I was in middle school, I would never walk beside her, always in front of her or behind her, and she thought I was ashamed of her weight. I don't remember ever doing this but I am sure i did. Maybe it was because of her weight, or maybe it was just because I didn't want to walk with my mom. But I thought it was funny that she was bringing this up to me, telling me it hurt her feelings and made her feel bad because my weight conscienceness was formed mainly from her comments to me about weight. From very early on, my mom told me I was overweight and that when she was my age she weighed (fill in ridiculously small number). She would encourage me to go on starvation diets, eating maybe 600-800 calories a day. I remember one day, sitting in our kitchen and begging her for a slice of turkey and she telling me no and lecturing me about how i need to lose weight. At the same time, our house was full of sugary snacks like little debbie cakes and we made frequent trips to fast food. I basically had no idea of how to eat a healthy diet, it was either starve or binge in my house.
I hope I remember this story when Iz gets older. I am sure my mom never meant to make me feel badly about myself, but subtle comments that she made, probably thinking they were for "my own good" so I wouldn't have the same struggle with weight that she had, were very hurtful. I hope I can teach Iz about body acceptance and confidence at any weight.
Doing well with eating and my food choices. I even got in 45 of cardio today that used to be really hard for me and I'd dread it, but I got through it today no problem and that has got me feeling great! Inside and out. The aerobics vid will still work for me, though, I'll just have to exaggerate the moves more and do it more enthusiasticly, whereas today, I wasnt doing it too crazy since I wanted to get through the whole thing. Very cool.
I have a weight loss blog. It focuses on all my feelings about weight loss. Lots of them very petty and superficial. But eh, my feelings, right? I get embarassed about how superficial I can come across, but acknowledging it is half the battle and maturity comes with experience and time. I focus a big part on actually pounds because I feel like the pounds are my layers of stress and hurting and shedding them will be like letting that "baggage" go. I feel it as the needle on the scale goes down. I also, do agree however, the scale will not always be an issue and really excelling oneself and reaching fitness goals, is must more satisfying to read. Because that excels the mind as well. And it's exciting to read about a person transformed. Very cool... I don't read many other fitness blogs, but I'll have to take a peak at the one you mentioned, Amy.
The Questions:
How has your view of overweight people changed from your (style conscience?) teenage years till now? Hmm, it has changed a bit, but I didn't think badly of heavy people back then. I think I paid more attention to them than most other teens, though, because I struggled with weight myself and desperately didn't want it to continue by the time I was older. Nowadays, I know it's their own issue and none of my business. I do question their happiness, though, and hope they are living life to it's fullest - something I wish for everyone and myself.
How has your view of your body changed in that time frame? My view of my own body has gone through so many changes and has drastically changed since. I'm still way too overly obsessed with my looks, but I love myself more. I no longer want to look like someone else - I'd miss me too much! Me and I have gone through so much together, there is no other me and I want to stay me. So that has changed a great deal, whereas in a moments notice I would have traded my body for a svelter version, even if that meant another face, I'd welcome another face. These days, no way. What God gave me is just fine and I want to reach my own personal excellence.
I'm sore all over so I don't want to do weights for formal exercise now.
I started laying out a new tree ring planting bed with a 25 ft garden hose and began clearing the grass. LOTS of grass. Ugh.
(Paul asked me if I was enjoying the yardwork since he noticed I've been flinging myself into it since last week. I said yes, because it stays done for a while, unlike work inside the house which gets undone in a matter of hours. Very annoying.)
Got sick and tired of having to struggle with gnarly tree roots when I mow.
I love the tree. It's huge, old, shady, camphor (insect repellent) and great! But it has roots that come up and spread out and maneuvering the lawn mower around them or over them to get the grass is a drag. Decided to just pull up all the grass to the edges of the exposed stuff and plant small things in that area.
Picked up weed cloth and then edging so I can get that down before I go back to get mulch and plants. I know if I don't get to do it I can have the playgroup moms who are coming to my house in two weeks for working playdate can help me.I just want the supplies on hand. Probably need more edging though. May have to get some more this week or early next.
Another 2 big trash bags full of yard waste. So that's 8 bags since Friday. More to go. Yargh.
Have to figure where the nearest pool supply is so I can get diatomaceous earth to use for organic/green insect control.
I keep asking myself why I got a Honda Accord instead of a truck. Other than the fact that trucks aren't a good for car seats. Sigh.
How has your view of overweight people changed from your (style conscience?) teenage years till now?
Not a whole lot. In my youth I assumed overweight people were overweight for whatever reason and it wasn't my business to get into their business.
How I feel/felt about it for myself? I've crossed my comfort line twice.
The first time when I was still undiagnosed and could not understand why I gained the way I did. The second time I was pregnant, so I had a good reason for crossing a line again I swore I'd never cross again, but it still sucked and screw it. With number two I'm not going to get suckered into going more conservative like I did the last time. I'm staying on the vegan path and I'm going to have to find docs who will support me in that choice. The "conservative" pregnancy diet leads to an uncomfortable pregnancy, people. And it isn't just me who noticed this, but I've had playgroup moms verify this was their experience as well.
But the comfort line? I know exactly where it is. It's where I become so big my circulation becoms poor, arms and legs and feet and hands fall asleep and wake me up with tingling when I'm trying to sleep, my joints hurt, mobility is impaired, your thighs chafe from rubbing together, sweat collects in crevices on your body and chafes, putting on pantyhose is an exercise in the ridiculous, a flight of stairs leaves you winded, sex is not comfortable, people treat you differently...
It's all so undignified.
None for me, thanks. The more distance between me and that line the better for me.
How has your view of your body changed in that time frame?
In my teens, I tended to live in my head and ignore the needs of my body as long as possible. Skip meals, stay up too late, etc. Took it for granted my body would work fine whenever it was I wanted it to.
With the rude awakening of my thyroid/PCOS issues in college, I was forced to try to live more in unison. Mind and body together, searching for harmony between the two while at the same time seeking a proper dx.
The dx was long in coming, but I'm lucky. I only had to wait 5 years. Some PCOS patients waited almost a lifetime before more info about this condition was known and circulated not just with specialists but GPs so they could spot it. Imagine living all that time seeking help and treatment and being told it was all in your head and then going home to wonder if you really were crazy. Humph.
But for those 5 years, with no health insurance and little recourse, I had to make an effort where I could. And that's how it began for me in 1998. Trying to eat better, exercise more, make some kind of an effort to support my health within my capabilities at the time, until I had an answer and could seek fuller treatment.
The short answer? I learned to treat my body with a little more respect and pay more attention to it's care.
It's so easy for girls to go in both directions. Be pushed to be ornamental and then think of nothing BUT their physical selves or the other direction. Be pushed to reject "vanity" and "foolishness" and retreat into their heads and thing nothing OF their physical selves.
I hope I do a better job with my kid and teach her to care for both her body and her head.
Weather was icky and Mike needed new shoes so we went out to mall and did a couple of laps. I always enjoy going to the mall on a week night, no crowds, Iz likes looking around, very mellow. Weekends aren't very nice.
I went and got a haircut but she didn't change much. I asked for bangs and she got right to the point of cutting the bangs and said "I don't think you should get bangs." Well, that was enough convincing for me. I basically have my same hairdo with a few long layers around my face. I didn't like how she styled it, I will see how it turns out in the morning.
Cat - you hit the nail on the head. I am so inspired by fitness journals (for instance, Brave Athena is one I can't miss these days) and not by weight loss journals. i want to be someone who measures my progress in minutes walked or speed, not lbs lost. Working on making myself into one of those people...
In other news, I bought 3 new exercise shorts/capris on line based on recommendations from the Brave Athena site. I will let you know how they work out. I have also tried all the exercise socks I bought. I find I like the wigwam walking socks the best. They were also the cheapest at 4.95 a pair. They were made of technical fabric and were just basic, cushiony socks. The other two pairs I tried were more for runners and they had vents in the top of the socks. Maybe runners need these vents (?) but I found that I got a "hot spot" at the vent location after walking for 45 mintues in them.
Question to think about based on a conversation I had with my mom - How has your view of overweight people changed from your (style conscience?) teenage years till now? How has your view of your body changed in that time frame?
Actual: 60 min yardwork (raking, dragging branches around, weeding)
Pooped. Got my walk covered with all the yard work -- was walking back and forth quite a lot. I stink, I'm grubby and I'm off to wash and nurse the kid now.
Things here are a bit blah -- we're all sick. Think we caught something from church. Julia's the bst off. I don't even think she realizes she has a runny nose. Paul and I are worse off -- headaches and noses and coughing and just ugh.
But anyway... some thoughts on recent topics...
On other weight-loss blogs. I'm not really keen on them. They bore me. I prefer fitness blogs that may or may not have weight loss as a side benefit. Because sooner or later, the weight loss has to stop. The fitness can keep on going indefinitely.
Plus there's the unrealistic goal setting (Lose X by Y date) and the emotional haranguing (I'm a failure for not sticking to my diet! Argh!). Neither of these things is something I find enjoyable to read or inspiring in my own journey.
Never mind that weight loss is not a measurable goal in terms of time. If you lose, you lose when your body is ready to do so. It follows it's own timetable of healing.
And that is what I think recovering from obesity is. Healing.
People don't ever say "I'm going to get over this cold in 24 hours!" I find it odd that people say things like "I'm going to lose 10 lbs in 24 days!" or similar.
People seem more willing to let a cold take however long it takes to heal over and make an effort to support the healing process with bed rest, medicine, fluids, etc.
They're not as willing to let their weight loss journey take however long it needs to go and support it with regular exercise, sensible food choices, and talk the encourages rather than erodes self-esteem.
Rarer do I see people setting measurable goals like minutes or miles walked... things that ARE under voluntary control.
Weight loss is not immediately voluntary. You can certainly make efforts to encourage it to happen, but it's not a direct result like deciding to walk.
You decide to walk, you walk, and there it is. Walking! Direct cause and effect. You don't have to wait to see results. They are instantly available any time you care to put one foot in front of the other.
[...]
I think hunger is the best sauce. And the times we've done the fast food thing, it's because we've not planned well and let it go too long and then the urge to eat anything hits. Quickly. And then it tastes good just because we're famished, it's hot, it is immediate, it's filling. For me, esp. crazy -- I get the shakes, headaches the the other typical side effects of a low blood sugar episode.
From past experience I know that fast food actaully tastes horrid when the sauce of hunger is absent. Coats the inside of my mouth with a thin layer of grease that is just awful. And I'm better off planning ahead to NOT let myself get into a low blood sugar episode before starting to think abotu seeking nourishment.
There are no cozy memories for me of fast food eateries representing family fun -- my parents were not big on fast food and any time we had it it was the "make do" option when nothing else was available. Like when stuck in between flights at airports and not having time to seek alternatives.
Paul comes from a different background. For him it DOES represent fun, fast, convinient, no need to plan ahead, type eating.
But even he knows that while the Dollar Menu is cheap, it has hidden costs to health that long run are too expensive to ante up. 30 years old with high blood pressure. Hello too much sodium, too much fat, and the start of the road to heart disease.
Nikki - welcome back! And congrats for the success vs McDs! I have the same comfort food feeling when I go to fast food. Luckily, my favorite fast food place is a local joint in my home town so I don't have to face it very often. What is your total weight loss now? It is great that you were able to enjoy your trip to Old Navy. I love their clothes (esp. their pjs) but I am always flirting with their largest size (sometimes fitting, sometimes not). I haven't gone there recently, I should try it out too!
I am painting doors this morning! I don't feel very well, but figure I can't pass up a chance to get the painting done while Iz is out of the house. I may try to get a haircut this afternoon too, I need a new(er) look. Do you know how when you see some people, you immediately thing "80's do" or "70s do", like they found a good haircut back then and haven't gotten anything new? I always ask myself which decade I am, I am definitely NOT current! I have had basically the same hair since high school (chin length bob, usually pulled back on top in a barrette.) I am thinking of getting bangs!!! I haven't had bangs in forever, the idea is frightening to me.
We had a blizzard this weekend. We got stuck in the Springs thru Monday. I am unimpressed with Colorado and will now be moving to Florida so we can swim too. Bah!
Amy - I read that entry in your other blog. I agree, I have had the same experience and it's not something I wanted to hear. I wanted to hear that starting this journey would bring me weight loss success and clarity in not just this part of my life, but every part. It IS the journey that changes you, not just the weight loss. Which is actually another reason why I've opted not to have weight loss surgery.
As touchy a subject it is for many, I've considered it time and time again. Until I came up with it's the journey that I need, working towards this, sweat and tears and drinking more water for more sweat and tears that I'm going to need for it to make the change in more ways than one. Did I just make any sense? Oh well, I did to me.
Also, I have another blog too where I write when it's very me-based and I can curse, blabber on, be selfish and not offend anybody. lol
I know you two girls are anti-fast food. I don't like the idea of fast food. But man... do I like the way it tastes. It's so familiar to me and being so poor as kids, fast food was a sign of "family fun" and being raised on rice and chicken and asian cuisine, a cheeseburger and fries was "cool". I hate the fact that I still lust for it now. Yes, especially after the shock of Supersize me wore off.
However, I don't want Olivia to associate the golden arches with "fun" either so Paul and I have gone WAY less and for the past 10 months, I've only ever gotten a salad.
Last night, however, Olivia came down with something and it was late, he hadnt had dinner and I was out to get things for Olivia and Paul asked me to bring him home some McDs. He wanted the dollar menu - double cheeseburger, medium fries, mcchicken sandwich.
Driving to the McDs, I had it in my head that I was going to have the same. I was going to bite into the greasy comfort that was over-processed food. There was no question about it, I was gonna do it, I was going to rationalize it and that was that.
I forced myself to think a bit more. How I didn't want to seek that comfort in food. Especially a greasy one that's been who knows where, made by who knows what in who's unwashed hands. It's something that I had to learn was not "okay" just because I had "messed up" earlier in the day, it didnt mean I might as well write off the entire day.
A step closer. It's something I had to face NOW and that would put me a step closer to where I want to be when it came to raising Olivia in a fast food world.
I remember how great it felt to go into Old Navy ealier that day and actually FIT their clothes. I want that feeling again and it would make me happier than the fleeting so-called comfort that a double cheeseburger would bring me.
I got Pauls things and drove off and had something at home. That was a huge victory for me.
I am taking the day off from work. I haven't done this in a long time, stayed home alone. Usually when I stay home lately, it is because Iz's daycare is closed. I woke up not feeling very well after a restless night. After some rest this morning, I may work on the doors a little, atleast to get them prepped to paint.
Had an unscheduled walk today with Iz and Mike. The beautiful weather was too good to pass up. I did stretches when we got home. I had to keep reminding myself while walking that not every walk has to be speedy, just getting out and doing something is good enough some days. This is something I struggle with a lot, I ask myself "If I can't be the best, why bother?" I need to think about working toward my personal best, instead of being better than someone else.
I was re-reading my other blog today, the one I linked to below. I don't post there often, just when I have something on my mind that doesn't seem appropriate here or on my baby blog. The last post I wrote (which I deleted today) was written right after I started WW this time around. I went out and looked for some inspirational blogs and kept finding blogs that I had read 2 years ago and the people were in much the same place as they were 2 years ago. This depressed me and I said as much in my other blog. What depressed me was that this weight battle or health battle is lifelong for many people and some people, maybe even most people, don't reach their goal of a "perfect weight". It wasn't something I wanted to think about when I was just getting started. Now I see it differently, esp. now that I have "caught up" on some of these blogs, sometimes the important thing is the journey. A lesson I need to learn, myself.
Not sure if I'm going ot make it to weights tonight or if I'll swap the walk for tomorow with weights today. Or just skip it. Very busy morning and I'm not sure how sore I'll be later form the yard stuff.
Took Julia to the pool to register for swim lessons and meet some new playgroup people. My voice still isn't back, so I couldn't chat a whole lot.
Julia was great! I was impressed with how much she remembers from last summer. She was in the water running, kicking, splashing,. laughing, trying to swim off on her belly and floating around on her back lounging. So long as I was nearby she was content. She cried when I took her out though and tried to jump back in even though I'd dried her off and dressed her in street clothes. She loooves water play!
The new large I-play swim diapers seem ok. These are different than last year's because they are smooth inside rather than terry. Her Tuga "scuba suit" still fits so we won't need another til late in the summer or maybe even next year over.
I got her nursed and napping and then I hit the yard to mow and weed-eat the fence edges.
Bloody hot out there but I wanted to take the chance while she was sleeping and get the grubby stuff done without her trying to help or getting in the way. especially the weedeating part because that kicks up dirt clumps, plant bits, and sometimes rocks.
Not sure what I want to do when she wakes up. Part of me wants to carry on with the weeding and the other part of me wants to hit Lowe's to buy flowers to plant.
Suppose it will depend on Julia's mood upon waking and if she eats well or not. If she doesn't eat well or gets crabby I'm staying in. If she's holding up, we'll go out once more today and get my plants, mulc, lumber, and other doodads.
I have to price chainsaws while I'm at it, and def get safety goggles before I use it. Coudl use them with the weedeater too -- keep junk of my glasses. I honestly don't see why Paul hasn't bought any since he wears glasses too. And he even weedeats barefoot. Ugh. Disgusting!
I added a "before" and "current" picture on my other website. I am wearing my new outfit. I wish I could have worn a more fitted shirt, but this one covers the "baby pooch".
Had an amazing time last night, a great meal, interesting movie, and a great date with Mike. At the end of the meal, we toasted to going back on the diet tomorrow (today) and that is exactly what I intend to do.
Church this morning. Julia stayed in nursery now that she's more comfortable with her nursery teacher and we actually got to listen to the whole sermon.
Lunch at Sweet Tomatoes, home for naps, then in the evening Paul got Julia's swing hung in the tree. While he was up there he managed to use the rake to pull/push the last of the hurricane debris. Over the months the rains have pushed them down low enough on the tree so he could reach them. Before they were too high up. Now I have to get a chainsaw to hack them up all to put on the curb.
We're entertianing in the yard in 2 weeks so I'm anxious to get it in presentable condition.
Julia messed around in her wading pool and with her outside toys but loved the new swing so I think that alone made it worth Paul's anxieties while he was up in the tree. He's got a fear of heights. Still, better him than me because I'm anxious about heights AND I have bad balance!
We let her run about naked for a bit and she seemed to enjoy that. She tried to help us with the weeding but after a while she ran off and got herself stuck in her climbing thing because I put it together wrong. Paul took it apart and fixed it. I had one of the pieces on backwards. Oops.
We are having a lovely, "no points" day here. I made Mike his favorite breakfast of waffles with strawberries and bananas, then made him a chocolate chocolate-chip cake for dessert tonight after we get back from our lovely dinner.
I went out to get a new outfit for tonight yesterday and I have dropped at least a size except when the cut of the top is tight in the stomach. My baby-pooch is still there and very noticable. I had to veto the sassy green shirt I was going to get and got a hot pink shirt instead.
Had my 2nd weigh-in this morning and had a decent loss, so I'm pleased. Actually, I would have happily taken a maintain since I wasn't the best this week, however, it's the little changes that make the big differences. Saying no here, having a little less here, having a healthy snack here to take the edge off of dinner. Very pleased.
That said, I haven't made any attempt at formal exercise except for one time last week. I have been busy around the house, but it's no excuse. It's a goal for me this week. I'm going to set it low at twice a week, that way I'm more likely to hit my goal. We'll see how it feels, although I think 3 times a week is more sensible and in all honesty every day is best. Ahh well... I'm a sheep. Baaaaa...
The hard part is being away from home this weekend. We're staying with my folks this weekend, and having a BBQ this evening to celebrate Paul's birthday a bit late. I hope I can stay away from the potato salad altogether, or else I think a taste of it might send me in a spoonful here and there all evening. LOL.
I set out Julia's wading pool with some cups and things in it, dressed her in swim attire and let her have at it while I did some raking. I got about 3/4 bag full before my ankle started to complain about my standing on it so long.
Then I broke out the gloves and stool and sat down to weed the flower beds. Julia came along to watch and started "helping" by grabbing whatever off the ground -- leaves, twigs, grass -- to put in the bag with me.
It was very relaxing way to spend the afternoon... tidying the yard and listening to her chatter.
No formal exercise today. It was raining and I decided to work on the bathroom project. I did touch up paint, changed the black light switches to white, installed the light fixture, and cleaned up. I *know* I bought light switches for this bathroom when I did our bathroom, but I couldn't find them today so I had to run to home depot. More cleaning and shuffling this weekend, but the bathroom project is winding down.
A good thing happened today, one of the office workers who has been out on medical leave for 2.5 months came back to work and the first thing out of her mouth was "my, you have lost weight!" :) She was the first person to say anything to me that didn't know I was trying to lose weight. (I work with a bunch of men, it really isn't a hot topic around the office.)
Tomorrow - babysitting. Hopefully more exercise and clear skies this weekend.
An ice pack later and I'm still tender, but on the mend.
I think I'll be skipping my walk in favor of yoga or an ab workout though. I don't want to do nothing, but neither do I want to do anything weight bearing on that ankle til it's well.
My knee where I scraped is ok -- no abrasions. My jeans where thick enough to prevent that although it did smart for a while.
Just got back form visiting my parents with the baby. So lunch time now...
I was supposed to do a walk but ended up painting the guest bathroom. This job has plagued me for so long, we have been trying to get it done for 3 months and have been living with painting supplies on our upstairs landing for that long. No more! My friend is coming over to babysit Iz this weekend for Mike's birthday (there will be cake, but I digress) and I refuse to have her tripping over paint supplies while trying to put Iz to bed. Just need to do touch up and trim, then I have to paint the 3 upstairs bedroom doors and should be done. Would only take 2 hours if I get 2 hours of baby free time to do it.
This morning the utilties people came out to install my sprinkler meter so we don't get charged sewage for that water. Apart from the racket, I was annoyed because it is ANOTHER group of people who come without giving me a courtesy call to let me know what's up and disrupt my whole day. So Julia missed her playdate this morning because I had to hang about watching this guy work.
Gah!
I cancelled my whole day. Didn't do any paperwork, or do crazy phone calls to the insurance company or anything. I let hte kid sleep in, I slept in, then we did groceries and I got my hair cut. We played abit when we got home and took naps.
I'm about to go make dinner and then pass the kid to Paul so I can get my walk done. Do I want to make dinner? NO. I want to have it magically appear. But that's not happening and eating cereal for dinner is not acceptable so I have to go and fix some proper food.
I've decided to schedule a massage for myself sometime in the next two weeks. I feel tense all over and it's not doing me any good at all.
Cat - No wonder you're tense with all the roof hubbub! I can't believe you're still wrestling with this whole ordeal. I'm so sorry to hear that! That's great that you've got such self control, especially when it comes to eating on the run. And also great that you "felt" oily after some fries.
Usually, during a "bad" times of year, fast food doesn't phase me. But after I've been eating healthily for a while, I can "feel" greasy, non-nutritious food. So great to hear that you've got some help with yardwork. Very awesome!
Amy - Thanks for the words of encouragement. I am my biggest obstacle, and with the way I've been binging each day, I've got a looong way to go. But ho hey, moving forward! That's very cool about your extra walk! Wonderful!
I saw "Supersize Me" a few months ago. Very cool thing for that guy to do, do bring forward such an issue. I do believe that part when he said he started to need and crave the food, that it actually changed him emotionally. That's what's happening.
It didn't bother me so much as we as adults can choose what we eat and McDs is only offering us their products. BUT, like you, it did upset me with how much they advertise towards young people. They're newest campaigns have their golden arches flashing up on "health" commercials as well. They know exactly what they're doing. Guh!
The dollar menu? It's a shame! On one hand, for some people it's awesome to get fed for a ridiculously low price, on the other hand, it's becoming the easy thing. It's cheaper to feed a family shite food. Well, I cant only change our own family and I hope I can make good decisions and teach Olivia what's good for her.
Its like those commercials and baby ads that say by the age of 15 months, the most popular vegetable is a french fry! Gosh!
Been having some rough times with Olivia. She has cut down from 3 naps a day, to 2. That's okay with me, but it seems she's always crying herself to sleep. She used to be so good at going down for a nap, now, it's so rough. But it's a phase I'm sure.
I'm just glad she's well and I hope she stays well. It makes me nervous going back to the gym with her. I don't want her to get sick again. I could wait until the evenings, but it's so busy then and I've already paid for a year's worth of child care. Paul will feel like it's a waste and then I have no time with him. Sigh... I'll figure something out. I know that 1:30 to 3:30 is the least busy time in the daycare. Maybe I'll even bring lysol wipes to wipe down the equipment I know she uses. But her favorite daycare worker carries her a lot, and 50 other kids a day, who knows. Sorry, this isn't a baby diary.
Ohh, something that will certainly have me moving more... Liv is crawling! Very cool and exciting!
Felt tense today so I swapped weights out for a yoga workout. I feel a little looser but still tense. This whole roof thing has me soooo annoyed! Roofer came out for final payment and they've gone way over the estimate. Which mean we have no money left for repairs inside the house so I have to play games with the roofer and my insurance company some more. Finks! I think it's time to call the Insurance Commissioner. This crap is SO old. Blah.
But I don't want to dwell on that or I'll just get all up in knots again.
Nikki -- great weigh in! Sorry the meeting location is a downer. Maybe the new one will be better? I can sympathize on the negative thoughts. I've been full of them in the last two days.
Amy -- I haven't seen "SuperSize Me" yet. But I try to avoid fast food places as much as possible. If I have to have "fast" food I'd rather pop in somewhere and pick up a Gardenburger or Amy's Kitchen thing and microwave it at home if I can. Better still -- just cook ahead.
Paul wanted McD's last week and I was trying to compromise on Wendy's so I could at least have a baked potato but it didn't quite work out. So I had small fires and it was disgustingly oily. Ugh. Not doing that again!
I had a rough day today. Apart from roof junk, phone calls, paperwork, then cleaning in the garage. Made major progress but it hurts all over now.
I've got 4 moms from playgroup willing to come out in a few weeks to lend me a hand getting my yard in order so at least I'll have helping hands for that ordeal.
I had a busy day today -- a lot of house stuff and I feel really draggy. More later.
Nikki - 5.6 lbs! Wow, that is so amazing. Even though you feel like it was just a big drop for the first week (BTW I didn't have a big drop my first week) it does mean you have committed and completed a week and have a great start. WAY TO GO!
Exercise:
What: walk
Time: 31 minutes
Distance: 1.6 miles
What : stretching
Time : 15 minutes
I did an unscheduled walk today! I had such a funny day. We hired a new employee and he is from Spain and doesn't have a car and he had to go to these orientation meetings all over, plus to the social security office. Anyway, I ended up driving him and then waiting in the car and reading during his appts. The social security one took forever so we stopped at an indian place (the only place close by that I knew of) for lunch. I didn't completely overdo it, believe me, it could have been worse. But when I got home, I estimated my points at 22. So I had motivation for getting out other than the beautiful weather to earn some exercise points. After all is added up (with a salad for dinner tonight) I think I am going to only go over points by 2.
Mike didn't feel up to walking so it was just me and Iz. I feel like I take longer pushing the stroller, but I took a couple of minutes off my time. I tried to focus on the movements today. Instead of walking fast, I tried to walk with power and purpose. It felt great (except that I was burping up Indian the whole time). When I got back home, I did my stretches.
Am I the last person on the planet to see supersize me? Oh my, what a powerful movie. The first thing it made me want to do was to get tivo so we can "edit out" all the comercials on tv. The second thing was to be more involved in the school system, particularly in choosing the lunch menu. Mike and I rarely eat fast food (usually only when traveling and it can't be avoided, and usually then, we aim for the italian fast food chains so I can get a veggie pasta dish) so it won't have a direct effect on our current diet, but this movie makes me want to avoid fast food forever more. And it made me see the playgrounds at McDs in a whole new light, like 5 year olds smoking cigarettes. I never want to take Iz there.
Well, had a good first official week at WW. I changed my meeting location and didn't really care for the group. This bothers me and I'm going to try another time and location because I think it's important. I lose 5.6 lbs and I'm happy.
I don't know what's with me, though. I'm having a hard time thinking positively. I used to be Miss Sunshine, but lately I've been Polly Pessimistic. Like during my weigh in, I thought - that's great! Then I thought, well, the first week you always lose a lot, it's only a matter of time until you gain and then quit.
JEESH!! I am my BIGGEST obstacle! I loathe that side of me and have been journaling a lot and trying to focus on the positive to change this. I don't know what it's about. Maybe I've got a lot of thinking to do, maybe I need to do LESS thinking.
On another note, I got in some exercise today, so I'm pleased. I'm tired, though. Olivia has been resisting napping and has cut the nap she does get (after crying) to 10-15 minutes before she's awake again! ARGHHH! Maybe she just doesn't need them anyway, but the fact that she went from three naps a day, that equaled 3 hrs total and now sleeps about an hour today in two naps combined, is exhausting. Let it be a phase!
I'm glad to hear you ladies are doing well, though. And I will pass this silly funky patch of mine
